Kavi's Home Birth Pt. II (scroll down for Pt.1)
All of my 5 floor apartment building must have known I was in labor as I was yelling my lungs off that morning. As much as I had mentally prepared for this birth, nothing could stop me from letting out the intensity that I felt throughout my body in the form of screams, scratch that- in the form of roars. At one point, Shar stopped me in the middle of my roar to remind me to express myself from the bottom of my body instead of from my lungs. That simple reminder helped my body adjust accordingly to the birth and soon my roars were indeed coming from somewhere in my womb as opposed to my throat. Later on I realized had I continued to yell that way I would have ended up with an extremely sore throat as I was experiencing some discomfort for the next two days.
This was my second vaginal birth in the span of less than two years, barely over one year actually, and so my body knew how to open up and perform the birth efficiently. While there was SO much different between my first vaginal birth and this one, up until midway through this labor, the pain I endured through both was the same. Given that I was 41 weeks pregnant during this birth as opposed to 29 weeks during the first birth, the end of this labor was extremely more intense than the first one. With my first birth, my daughter was stillborn at just under a pound so it only took 3 pushes to get her out. With this in mind, every time I pushed I thought this labor was almost over. After about 30 min of pushing through each contraction, which was coming in what seemed to be every 1 or 2 minutes, I felt defeated. Every time I pushed and he was still not out I felt hopeless. Still, though the time in between my contractions were unfairly super brief, they felt like heaven. As soon as a contraction was over I'd turn extremely limp, so limp I thought I could just melt away, but before my mind could wander into la la land any further, the next contraction would start. With the beginning of each contraction I wanted to tense up, but I knew this was exactly the opposite of what I needed to do. Each contraction literally made me feel like I wanted to die. My thoughts at the time were, "How could I get out of this situation? HOW?... oh that's right I could either continue to go through it or.... I could just die," and at the time dying seemed like the better option. The pain was too intense and the contractions were coming in too fast.
When my doula Pam arrived I was well into pushing my son out and did not feel like I could handle anyone else's energy in the room. Though we had met and talked about the birth so many times in the weeks prior and she was a close friend of mine, this being her first birth naturally had me a little weary. I had no idea how long I had been in labor already but I thought it should have been over already. I had made my rounds birthing in the pool, on all fours, and on the birthing stool a few times already. When Pam arrived I was on the birthing stool and in the next contraction I was on all fours. Like a heroine of the birthing mom, while I was on all fours Pam immediately squeezed my hips with incredible strength that it took me by surprise at how sufficiently it worked to ease the pain of the contraction. I didn't know how she was able to take off her coat, but her belongings down, and come to my rescue so quickly. Feeling guilty about questioning whether she would be able to help me through this labor I humbled myself and thought, "THANK. GOD. FOR PAM." At this moment I knew from here on out that a doula would be the number one advice I would give to pregnant women- DO YOURSELF A FAVOR AND HIRE A DOULA!!!
Throughout the rest of the labor Pam and I worked together seamlessly. I felt like she could read my mind. When I needed a new cold towel- which she had prepared a week prior, she knew to switch the towels out. She had stocked up a bunch of face towels in the refrigerator by putting them in a container of water and adding sweet orange essential oil in the hopes of the scent being able to energize me when I needed it most during labor. When I felt like I needed to redo my hair bun, Pam was on it before I could even lift my arm. When clenching my fists and biting Lenny's sweats wasn't enough, Pam pulled out a stress ball and smoothly placed it in my palm. Her intuition was impeccable.
At some point, a birth assistant Yael (a certified nurse), also joined our birthing party in my living room. She sat Indian style peacefully in the corner while Shar would give her pieces of information to jot down in her Ipad. Though there were now 5 of us in the room, I never felt so alone in my life. I would look over to the dry erase board where a few days prior I wrote words of encouragement to help bring my baby out. "Melt," "soften," "let go," "Welcome Baby!," "fall away," and "Nuwa Love," were written on the board. The only phrase that helped me find strength to continue was, "NUWA." I'd say her name out loud, smile, then feel like I could melt into comfort. It felt so beautiful to me that saying her name had this effect. Another source of strength I turned to during the labor was inhaling an essential oil blend called Gentle Baby- made of Coriander, Geranium, Palmarosa, Lavender, Ylang Ylang, Chamomile, Bergamot, Lemon, Jasmine, and Rose. We passed the bottle of Gentle Baby around the room a few times as it seemed to put everyone at ease.
Questioning my own strength and willpower, I looked to Shar a few times throughout the labor to say, "Shar... this is SO hard." Each time she would reply with, "I know sweetie, but you can do it." Everyone in the room would encourage me and talk about how amazing I was doing and how effortless I made it look but all I wanted to talk about was how incredibly difficult this was. I wanted to hear, "Yes, this sucks! It's horrible! There's nothing worse than this!," or at least at the time I thought hearing that would be more soothing than the words of encouragement, but I'm sure the energy of all the encouragement in the room helped progress the labor instead. It took me almost 2 months to be able to watch my birthing video but when I did I was in shock. In the moment I could've swore I turned into the hulk himself, roaring with every contraction and feeling so desperate to ease the pain I was in. Watching the video, I looked like the most cool, calm, and collected lady ever as I pushed my son out. The paradox of what was actually playing out in the room versus what I thought was happening truly baffled me. After watching the video it confirmed to me that I was truly in my own world, in labor la la land during those hours.
"I see his hair Katrina, you'll be holding your baby very soon, we just need a good strong push!," Shar kept telling me. Later Lenny told me that Shar was actually able to play with his hair while he was coming through the birth canal.
With my final push, sitting on the birthing stool, I used all the strength and determination I had left in me to push my baby out and in one sweeping movement Shar caught him and placed him in my arms. Four hours after timing my first contraction, my son was born at 12:08 PM.
"Awwwww, babyyy!," were the first words out of my mouth as I held his slippery body against mine. All of a sudden all the pain and exhaustion I was in vanished into thin air and I felt ready for anything. I called Kavi by his name for the first time and we all spent the next few hours in amazement of this new life that we all worked so hard to bring into this world together. As I lay on my couch with my son still attached to me via umbilical cord and placenta, I facetimed my mom to let her know her grandson had arrived so quickly that this was actually the first time all day she even knew that I had gone into labor. I was so proud of my birthing team and as they cleaned me up, took Kavi and I's vitals, fed me a bowl of oatmeal, and stitched my perineum back up, I was wondering when I would actually cry at how beautiful the moment was. It wasn't until Shar gave us a detailed look and explanation of my placenta, Kavi's home for the past 9 months, that I started to cry. That day I gained a new respect for all of humanity as I kept pondering, "Wow, I can't believe we ALL had to go through THIS to get here. We are NOT here for no reason."